THE RILEY FACTOR:
Animal’s Genitalia Will Ruin America
by TJ Riley

I was sitting on a park bench, eating a turkey sandwich on rye, and was, generally, in a good mood. A father and son were playing catch in a nearby field, while the mother and daughter were preparing for a picnic by a tree, which was approximately five feet away from me. Some young adolescents were riding their bike on the asphalt path. Coming towards me was a man walking his golden retriever. He looked a little beyond me, and started to smile at the mother and daughter – he knew them. Friendly Americans in a friendly American park, basking in the sunshine, the only way that red-blooded Americans know how – that is what I like to see. The man walked past me, and went to the mother and daughter. The man was talking to the mother, and I noticed that his dog, while at a standstill was licking his own genitalia profusely. I realize that animals lick themselves to clean themselves; but, this dog was going beyond cleaning. I started to notice that the daughter noticed the actions of the dog too. At this point, the “pink” of the dog’s penis started to come out of its sheath, extending with each subsequent lick. The poor daughter who was watching this started to cry, and her brother turned his head in response, right when his dad was throwing the baseball at him. The baseball hit the son in the head, and he got knocked out - all of this because of a dog’s penis.

This menacing scourge, which has plagued many minds, has to be dealt with immediately! Our children are exposed to outright genitalia everyday; testicles bouncing as if in a dance, right in front of their faces. The question must be posed: why do we accept these testicular dances? The reason is because liberals believe that it is “natural” for having dogs being in this indecent mode of being. These are animals that are domesticated, meaning that they live in a human environment; thus, it would be most rational (which everyone knows liberals are not) to expect that domesticated animals should also be clothed.

The fact of the matter is that dogs should wear diapers, thus we don’t have to see the obscenity that dangles between their legs. On this note, it would also be easier for owners, because they would not have to train them or walk them to do their deed. Which would you rather do: see the pink of a dog’s penis or change some diapers? I know what I prefer – change some diapers. Only perverts and liberals would say the former, because, let’s face the facts, all perverts are liberals. Also if dogs wear diapers, they wouldn’t be able to have public sexual intercourse with other dogs – alleviating another social problem that faces us with “man’s best friend.”

A more frightening notion than a dog’s penis, is a horse’s penis. I’m an excellent model of a law abiding American, and I have great respect for police officers; but when I see a police officer on top of a horse, and the horse’s penis is dangling like a 7 pound Kielbasa hanging from a Butcher’s ceiling – I just want to knock the police officer off the horse, and be like a filthy hippy protesting, screaming, “No penis for safety!” Many New Yorkers, due to police officers being on horses, have seen a fully extended horse’s penis – including children.

We could cover a horse with a diaper, but a diaper alone would not be able to deal with the kind of excrement that horses leave; thus, there is only one other option if we still want police officers that are on horses while not seeing a penis – that’s right, enemas. We would have to give the horse an enema after they are finished for the day, and an enema two hours before the horse goes out again. Hence, there would be a minimum amount of waste that the horse can produce while being out in the public; thus the horse’s penis could be covered easily with a diaper.

I know there is some liberal out there thinking, “What about the female counterparts of these male dogs and horses?” I believe that females are different. First of all, their genitalia are not as noticeable as the males. Second of all, if they wore diapers, their vaginas would be more prone to infection. And third of all, a penis seems very homosexual-like, unlike vaginas, which are very heterosexual-like.

America, we have a responsibility to our children. We can not cover their eyes all the time from genitalia. But we can do something better - we can cover the genitalia that they are exposed to, even if that genitalia is of a dog, or a horse.